I-n-som-ni-a

Last night, some bad insomnia happened to me, After watch a movie with my Grandma at 3.00 o'clock, I felt not sleepy at all. Actually I often chat until mid-night with my Grandma, because we both have same problem to sleep early at the suppose time. and suddenly, I saw that pretty smile from her. just so you know, my Grandma is a moody one, She's not always smile like this. I've been told about most of grandparents habits, they usually forget names and things, they moody (sometimes laugh and make a joke but the at other times, didn't wan't to talk about anything).
and I think I'm the lucky one that night, to see my Grandma pretty little smile, so I captured it :)


We took picture together, talked about her favorite dance and sport while she was young and etcetera. After she feel sleepy, and started to cloe her eyes, I put a blanket for her and then go to my own room. I tweet unimportant things (mobile way) and read others tweet to make me sleepy but I don't know if that will work or not. I wish I knew other things to do.
Finally, I slept at 5.00 o'clock
well that's it,
tell something about your recent insomnia guys!
I have to go now. See you around :)

A dream to chase

I don't know why, i always love to watch movies about people who chase their own dreams.
I love Betty Suarez (on Ugly Betty Movie series) who keep struggle to stay at the place that she believe are the right place for her and her dream even if she must face a difficult condition.
I also love Lee Seo Jung on Style-Korean drama who throw away her pride and follow all of her chief command. all she wants is to be a good editor for her magazine corporation.
Some people are lucky.
they born and raise from the perfect family which make them easier to reach their dreams. They got talent and money and also big chance.
Some people aren't that lucky.
they must do a hard effort and sometimes hurt theirself.
A person who will do anything to reach their dreams always make me attracted. And at the same time, make me shame.
to be honest, i'm not that kind of both person.
i don't have the perfect family that capable to help me reach my dream, and also not that type of will-do-anything-to-make-dream-comes-true person.
for examples,
if i late for my bus on the way to college even if that bus not yet go far and i still can see the back of that bus, i'll never run to chase. i'll wait for another bus and if it doesn't come, well i'll just go home and add my absent list.
in a relationship, if he want to break up, well i'll say yes.
if i feel really excited to play computer, but suddenly the electricity turns off well, i'll just go to sleep without waiting at all.
when i watch the 2012 movie, i feel well if the world wants to blow up, then just blow up.
so now you see the reason why i feel ashamed.
i'm that kind of 'let go' and 'give up' person.
Well, i also have a dream. i just feel a little confuse about to reach them or not. can i? can't i?
i feel my dream is too big to be reach.asking to many question, make me not go forward at all.
a year ago,
when i went home with my new college friend, and at the time we late for the bus. That big white bus already go too far. but you know what, my friend run! i keep whining behind her 'its go too far to be chase!' but i also keep running behind her.
after some time when i finally get to know her, i realize that she's a very strong girl.
that pursuit-too-far-bus accident is the simpliest example about her character. even if at the last, we both fail to chase that bus, our effort to run was teach me something.

i always pray and ask what i'm suppose to do, then a year ago finally God answer those questions through that friend.

its good to be here

i know life is sucks, and we can spend all day complaining our life. whining about what we supposed to do and what we supposed to be. i feel it too. but you know, the feeling when you try to find at least one things that make you happy instead of all sad problem that you always stand at.
well, i found a little lot at mine.
it's good to be born into world. when i was the one who made others smiling while i'm crying
it's good to have name that given with heartfull of love and hope from my parents.
it's good to have an ordinary family.
it's good to see beautiful world, air water ground sun moon cloud all these magic free things gift to me.
it's good to know that i'm not the only one who struggle my life, everyone did.
it's good to know that there're a view of people save from Bali bombing
it's good to know that there're a view of people save from tsunami disaster
at least there're afterlifes and i believe these people will reincarnation to a better character.
it's good to know that there's God and i believe in God.
it's good to falling in love
it's good to know that i have dream and still trying to reach them
it's good to have a beautiful hair
it's good to laugh after look my stupid thick eyebrow at the mirror
it's good to be hurt and cry and it only make you stronger
it's good to have friends, or friend
it's good to be overdramatic and soon realize that i was overdramatic
and maybe change.
it's good to see great movies, hear good musics, read great books
it's good to be stupid and soon realize how stupid i am
and maybe change.
well i still know that life is sucks but
it's good to be alive. it's good to be here.

Forever sometimes isn't lie itself

today,i accidentaly stuck in the mood to write about love.
if you're a fan of disney cartoon stories (but,who's not?) you must always known well the word happily ever after.
every single love problem have happily end. last forever. no matter how different you are with your love. there's no obstacle for love to be together. such a beautiful perfect love.
The fact is, in real life, nothing will go that perfect. its simply because human are imperfect creature. They're lying to their lover. Lover hurt each other. and their relationship are too impossible to be last forever. 
teens break up and marriage couple divorce.
Fall : Hurt ; Fall in Love : Hurt in Love
I'm not trying to say that disney love stories are share some bullshit. Because in the other side, happily-ever-after-love-story not always just a dream. and secretly, i'm a person who believe that love can live forever. 
think like these, if love is hurt, why people keep falling for it?
do you know why Harry can save from the avadra kedrava curse? do you know why hachiko always keep waiting his owner until he died? do you know why ariel the mermaid sacrifice herself, just to change into human?
all because of that magic word. love.
Some people said, Forever is a lie. but i feel disagree.


Love's Old Sweet Song by Just B Cuz on Flickr

and what about you? choose what you want to believe :)

Be yourself its kind of a difficult way to live.

photo courtsey: google
kalau ditanya tentang quote favorite, pasti gw selalu jawab sebuah quote dari Kurt Vonnegut - We are what we pretend to be. atau kalo bahasanya Kita adalah orang yang berpura- pura menjadi kita.
nah loh agak bingungin juga sih.hehe
menurut kacamata gw, quote ini berbicara tentang image. setiap orang berusaha membentuk imagenya masing - masing. dan ga jarang juga kalau mereka jadi kehilangan jati diri demi menunjukan image apa yang baik atau keren menurut orang banyak.
Misalnya aja ada anak gaul. dia selalu update status yang dia rasa keren kalau dibaca orang lain. kayak misalnya kalau dia abis beli apa atau abis darimana. dalam kasus ini anak gaul ini bisa dibilang juga sebagai anak yang berpura-pura gaul. bukan berarti dia ternyata bohong atau dia ternyata aslinya kuper. dia memang anak gaul. tapi semua itu ga berjalan secara naturally. 'Gaul' itu sendiri jadi sebuah image yang udah seharusnya dia miliki. kalau dia ga gaul dia akan merasa kalau dia bukan dirinya lagi.
begitu juga degan image 'Cantik' atau 'Baik' gw kenal seorang cewek yang emang udah cantik dari sananya dan tiap ketemu orang dia akan dipuji cantik. tapi setelah kenal deket, dia cerita sama gw kalau dia sebenernya ga pede. dia selalu berusaha keras mmempertahankan 'cantik' nya itu dan di saat dia berhadapan sama situasi dan orang yang menganggap dia ga cantik dia akan ngerasa down banget.
nah sampe disini nangkep ga?
contoh simpelnya nih, ketika kita baru buat account social network apa aja, pasti yang paling bikin lama adalah saat kita nulis 'about me' atau 'profile' masing- masing. harus yang kayak gimana nih yang gw tulis? kalau gw tulis gini gimana ya kalau dibaca orang? ah kalau nulisnya gini ntar disangka yang aneh2 lagi. apus apus apus.atau mungkin aja kalau kita mau nyeritain pengalaman kita di blog. ntar kalau nulisnya gini terus dibaca sama orang yang gw kenal gimana ya? apus apus apus.
we are what we pretend to be.
Kita adalah orang yang berpura- pura menjadi kita.
actually gw dapet quote ini pertama kali dari sebuah buku karangan Megan Mc Cafferty yang judulnya Second Helping. di situ di ceritain tentang kehidupan SMA dimana masing- masing orang mambentuk imagenya masing- masing. SMA adalah masa dimana kita menemukan jati diri kita. di SMA kita bisa memilih mau 'berpura- pura' jadi orang seperti apakah kita. selepas SMA kita dihadapkan sama hidup yang lebih keras.
Nah kembali lagi ke hubungannya sama quote di atas,
setiap manusia itu berusaha membentuk image mereka di hadapan manusia lain. image itu sendiri adalah hal yang sangat penting bagi manusia untuk dimiliki.
Apalagi kalau kita orang penting, politisi atau ketua partai misalnya. mereka harus hidup dalam kepura-puraan untuk yang baik- baik didepan rakyat. mereka ini hidup dalam keadaan kayak gini:
'say what you should say. not what you want to say' demi mempertahankan image mereka.
sedih.kasian.
menurut gw, menjadi diri sendiri adalah hal yang paling susah dilakukan di dunia sekarang ini. apalagi kalau kita sendiripun bingung, diri kita ini sebenernya seperti apa?

we are what we pretend to be, so we must be carefull about what we pretend to be - Kurt Vonnegut

read these ☻













i've lost twice my cellular phone last month, and today i accidentally remember this kinda old post (this is december2010-january2011 tumblr post) and i think this is the most creative idea to make announce about losing important stuff.
what do you think?

Happy Birthday Happy birthday

yesterday was my grandma 81 th birthday. if you're follow my blog in a long time, you must already know that i really love and respect my grandmom. or if you not, i'll describe view things about her:

She is a strong single parent woman. 
She raise her 2 daughter and son by herself as a tailor.
She made wonderfull cooks.
and also delicious food.
She love to dance.
She love to sing an english song.
She has amazing life experience.
She love to chat about her past.
and I love to hear about her past.
She is moody,
in such a bad mood, she just stay quite 
and won't answer things you questioned her.
She like to laugh at her own joke.
or sometimes at mine.
She usually forget things.
and also forget names.
She smile when look some money,
and think what she can buy with it.
She love to walk and travel,
altough she can't help herself to stop love.
She sometimes act like a baby,
and i treat her like what she wants,
but always keep my respect to her,
because after all she's not a baby.

and the most important things you must know that,
she has the prettiest smile i ever seen.

and i proud to be her granddaughter.
Happy Birthday.

movie's message

Hellboy Spiderman Fantastic 4 Superman dan film- film tentang hero produksi marvel.capcom tuh selalu keren ya, kalau ada yang bilang ga suka pasti boong deh, film - film kayak gini selalu jadi box office, menurut opini gw, benang merah dan inti cerita dari film film itu tuh hampir sama tentang pahlawan (entah itu manusia super, atau bukan manusia) yang berusaha nyelametin dunia dan manusia-manusia biasa lainnya dari kehancuran.
misalnya aja film fantastic 4, inget cerita dimana ada seorang mahkluk logam yang berkilau yang terbang kemana- kemana pake papan surf? diceritain kalau dia diutus sama Galacticus (planet yang dapat tetap hidup dari hasil menyerap kehidupan dari planet lain, dan akibatnya musnah deh kehidupan planet lain) nah sasaran galacticus berikutnya ternyata bumi. para fantastic 4 itu akhirnya berjuang demi nyelametin bumi, dan yang pasti happy ending lah ya.
Terus inget kisah golden army yang dikunci di tempat rahasia yang ada di film Hellboy 2? mereka sengaja dikunci karena pemiliknya (kerajaan khayalan) ga mau terjadi pertumpahan darah manusia lagi dia mau hidup berdamai sama manusia, makanya dia bagi mahkotanya (alat buat hidupin golden army) separo buat dia, separo buat manusia. selama mahkota itu ga disatuin golden army ga akan bisa hidup lagi.
Nah, pangeran dari negeri khayalan dari awal ga percaya sama yang namanya manusia, dan ketika dia ngerasa manusia udah berkhianat, dan membuat bangsa mereka ngasingin diri, dia mutusin mau hidupin golden army dan musnahin manusia. ya akhirnya berhasil digagalin sama hellboy, dkk.
terus maksud gw nyeritain panjang2 tuh apa sih? hehe.
see, liat ga?manusia selalu keliatan pantes jadi objek yang emang seharusnya dimusnahin, suka bohong ga setia, eksploitasi alam, liat aja nasib bumi ini berjuta tahun di tangan manusia? makin lama makin ancur aja.
sifat dasar manusia itu ga pernah puas. manusia bisa aja hidup dengan penuh kecukupan, tapi dia tetep ga akan merasa puas. selalu kurang. sifat manusia itu selalu mau lebih maju dan lebih maju dari keadaannya yang sekarang, tanpa peduli pihak lain yang mungkin bisa dirugikan.
hm sifat yang selalu ingin maju itu sebenernya positif, kalau aja wright bersaudara puas aja naik kendaraan darat / kapal kemana- mana, kita sekarang mungkin aja ga akan kenal yang namanya pesawat. kalaun Thomas alfa edison puas aja dengan cahaya siang, kita mungkin ga akan kenal sama yang namanya lampu.
tapi kemajuan dan keinginan itu bakal jadi negatif kalau kita ga bisa ngebatesinnya. sampe titik mana kita sebenernya perlu. bukan sekedar ingin.
kembali lagi ke film- film diatas.
beruntung sebagian manusia sebenernya udah sadar apa yang udah mereka sebapin sama bumi, manusia tuh kreatif, bikin film yang punya pesan2 tersembunyi kayak gitu.
kalau lagi nonton film -film superhero kayak gini, gw jadi mikir (agak sotoy) mungkin aja pesen film itu cuma satu:

"nah manusia lihat deh seberapa lemah diri kalian? kena piso dikit berdarah, di bom ancur, di pukul lebam2. terus kok bisa sombong banget eksploitasi bumi?kalian ga tau kan bumi itu sangat kuat, kalau kalian dibales sama bumi gimana?"

hehe

when i'm miss my friend.the best one.

fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walking blues
climb the fence, book and pens
i can tell that we are gonna be friends

walk with me, suzy lee
through the park, by the tree
we will rest upon the ground
and look at all the bugs we've found
then safely walk to school
without a sound

well here we are, no one else
we walked to school all by ourselves
there's dirt on our uniforms
from chasing all the ants and worms
we clean up and now it's time to learn

numbers, letters, learn to spell
nouns, and books, and show and tell
at playtime we will throw the ball
back to class, through the hall
teacher marks our height against the wall

and we don't notice any time pass
we don't notice anything
we sit side by side in every class
teacher thinks that i sound funny
but she likes the way you sing

tonight i'll dream while i'm in bed
when sill thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when i wake tomorrow i'll bet
that you and i will walk together again
cause i can tell that we
are going to be friends

The White Stripes - We're Going to be Friends

you may be boring

i just love love love to do this. i mean to fill things like these,i found this from Amyschmamey (she really have pretty blog) and oh don't read mine, you'll find it bored ;) and im sorry i really bad in grammar, english isn't my first languange. just go do it too on your blog if you want. happy filling guys!

name: Ayrine (usually people got a little difficult to pronounce it)
birthday: June 10 
sign: Gemini
favorite food: Masakan rumahan, mi, padang, roti keju
favorite drink: yogurt, just sayin, i hate orange juice.
favorite color: pastel colors, purple
favorite song this week: Lykke li - dance dance dance
favorite outfit: tshirt jeans and sneakers
hobbies: blogging, cooking, reading books
guilty pleasure: online whole time
last dream you remember: im kinda good in memorize my dream. i dream it last night: ate ugly look strawberry cake.
what comes to mind when i say cabbage: My Grandma
have you ever met a celebrity: plenty of
favorite (new) blog: no new favorite, but if you ask for my favorite i can mention some.
secret celebrity crush: i'm not a fangirling type,but i think johhny dep was a good actor and have, you know, a charisma and sex appeal (in a good way) or something like that. i've been watch twice or more a paint brand commercial and i like that guy model but i've no idea who is he.
favorite gadget: i've a knack to loss something and so..
three things you can't live without: spiritually, faith, love and hope. physically: food, clothes, house funnyally(?): internet, books and dvd
favorite harry potter character: sure its Dumbledore.but only 'in the books' dumbledore. 
play any instruments: you know a simple blue and pink harmonic piano?i used to play it (elementary) and i like to learn simple guitar chord, play songs i like, but theres only my bro's guitar and so sometimes i play it secretly, but whatever. i can't play good anyways.
best book you've ever read: Harry Potter series
favorite quotation: we are what we pretend to be - Kurt Vonnegut
favorite rainy day activity: eating hot noodles
what do you do when you're stressed: pray, listen to good musics
favorite time of the year: holidays!oh holy!
tattoos: im kinda afraid of a needle and wound so..
favorite animal: puppies.
crunchy or smooth peanut butter: crunch crunch crunch.. 
foreign countries you've visited: none. i prefer to go to the small island on my own country.
favorite candy: caramel, vanilla, lemon
cake or pie: i don't really like sweets but for cake i love my grandma chocolate cake, idk maybe its because theres some memory..my grandma can't be able to cook again, she's on the bed all the time now. theres no better choco cake taste to me. i think.
favorite holiday: end of semester holiday
favorite flower: haha idk kind names of flowers, but i like white flower,or yellow. Chrysant, white rose (i prefer the bud white roses its cute)