A Need

     TO BE MORE reflect from happy quote than the sad oneThe sad one are like 'I can't stop running from myself' 'I hate world and people make me sick' or ' I'm scared' or the other dreadful one. I was always those kind of people. Like, I remember every sentence in song lyric which make me sad rather than words that make me happy. I'm enjoying myself being down in regret and feeling wrong. I can say I enjoy being sad. It always bizarre the things out of me to read encouraging words about self-respect and happy world. like 'you are beautiful' 'you can move on with your life' 'don't let sadness tear you down' 'everyone is gifted some open it sooner' and so on. They like a fake colourful lollypop I won't taste a bit, because they really as plain as they suppose.
     I don't mind being alone and I hate unicorn.
     but the unicorn still came, though.
Recently, I find myself started to realize that being deep and all irony didn't make me better than anyone at any level. it didn't make me right and they're wrong. I'm not understanding life better just because I'm a realist. I've known and friends with people who really are happy with less complicated mind. They act and write just like the way they speak, cry while watching romantic movie and always got my back despite how many times I shut them down. They slowly make me think that happy and simple and nice people are really exist. It unconsciously force me to begin see life from their perspective and it surprise me enough not to gross out from the sweets, but actually like it.
     I'm not coming with conclusion even more a change. not yet.
     I still can't love unicorn but I think I'm less hating it now.

All things white and closed.

     Sometimes we just didn't get the right time to understand things around us. We can fascinated by something, completely driven nuts by universe but forget it all the day after. We falling in love today but back at being strangers tomorrow. We've captivating by the sunshine before forget it when night came. We laugh and happy and goofy this night but cry and sad and all clever at day. And it leaves us in the damn circle we can't run from.
     I had a pretty bad dream last night, if you ever ask why I came up with such a sad paragraph to beginning this post. And the melody is just lovely.
     So my short holiday will officially ended by the morning of monday this 23rd september. I've got new class schedule but the same hectic one. I already can see myself in the overcrowded train every morning schedule,
but hey, things can't get any worst.
    ugh. no.


Although I've already post this here, I want to write more about it. So, this short movie is about a sudden meteor attack that turning this boy's normal life into an odd one. You need to watch it first:

this make me thinking about my life. I sometimes can't go on a day without some strange thought in my head. I walk in my campus hallway on a rainy day and suddenly think what if this drop are actually a mirror crystal? I can imagine myself standing under that pouring rain (crystal mirror in this case) and got scratch all over my skin, bleeding everywhere. I usually imagining about an accident while I'm on the train. Like, if the rail brake or something. Copying what happen in Final destination 3, how cool is that to get a chance to experience one? I know how sick it sounded. but I guess I'm just curious about how all this things would work if it didn't work the way it suppose. Like, what if we normally walk backward not forward? wake up at 23:00 PM work and play at night, dinner at dawn and sleep in the morning.
So, when I stumble across this video, it almost appear like a song in my head,
life should be more interesting, odd, surreal, break the bubble and I don't know, not boring?
silly me, I know.

Being icy

I've been all mean just to shoo you away, but apparently it didn't work out? I'm started to think that maybe -just maybe, you are that amazing.

Sweet and memories

I remember this particular brand of chocolate was the first and last chocolate from my father. Received it times ago back when I was a child. Even if I bought for myself today, it still achingly heartwarming. Bring back the exact excited old feel of mine.
So, today is the great day.
Like, the greatest of all.
I finished final exam without any burden, went home by train, falling asleep in the middle of trip and woke up just in time it reach my destination. I ate pretty delicious food for late lunch, bought a chocolate for dessert. I've already finish all tasks for this compact semester which means I get to do that lazily-laying-on-bed-and-reading-a-novel thing. Quickly surfed internet just to watch this new release video I've been waiting for a while before took a bath and went out. Now here I am in the mood for journaling my pretty perfect day. uhm, actually I got home a little late for dinner and all the foods are already in the refrigerator. Since I really hate cold food (even when it already heated) I'm starving by the time I write this.. still a great day though.

What if

I've been trying to lucid dreaming recently but didn't success, yet. I think it's because part of me are excited if I can control my dream, but the other part aren't agree. Dreams are should be vivid like it suppose to be. That's the beauty of it. When it really apart from reality, from my consciousness.
And there's this little silly thought of mine, what if someone's dream is too lucid they can't actually pile it from reality. like, both of worlds are real because we are 'awake' in it.
It will be scary.