SOMETIMES, I dream about the most better thing that could happen in my life. Everything I wish could be happen or everything I miss, or for more exact, everyone I miss. Is that crazy to say, that someone who had gone is actually never really go because they live in my dreams? not everyday and every dreams, but they do. And it's crazy to say that I could feel their existence real, almost like it wasn't a dream. Almost like this now, is a dream. and sometimes, almost like they never go in the first place, and I just dream about people in my house that I will see them when I'm awake.
because I was never a lucid dreamer
I didn't know it wasn't real when I'm in it. and when I'm awake all I could think of is how much I wanted to stay because that would be a very beautiful chance. The probability to hear and see. The idea of always being together. Other days, same dreams. It's been three or more days in a row that my dreams taken at real places, real houses and rooms. The faces I've wanting to see and faces that actually exist, new scheme, different interesting scenarios. They didn't appear random and plot jumping, but surprisingly ordinary they kick the question mark out of my mind. Even if I was feeling a lot more groggy than necessary every time I woke up, I'm feeling happy more than ever.
About real and unreal and the in-between. What if there is someone who told you they wanted a distance, apparently seven hours train trip wasn't an enough distance. Apparently want both physics and mentally. We can elaborate that people in dreams are much more better. They didn't ask for distances at least.
but they didn't real the truth whispered.
and she doesn't know

Creepy Santa!

They mostly look.. angry?

the opposite from me though, because now I have this happy expression on me. you can take that christmas. mine. went pretty well. Though it isn't as good as when everyone was here and I, somehow, still can't feel content enough, it's one of the better night regardless. I have these line of sentences in my head but couldn't really words them out. Can I just hug my laptop and we pretend that everythings are all said?

Merry Christmas people.


1. christmas is coming soon but my days still drenched in white and plain scenes
2. paper isn't suck (the huge white space to fill is)
3. out of words


The sedate version of one of my least favorite christmas song erlend oye had me change my preference though


THE NICEST THING ANYONE'S EVER SAID. I don't know what happened to me, but I feel really uncomfortable to say nice things to anyone nowadays. It's not like I'm that nice in the past but I think it isn't as worst. I keep blurt out things I didn't mean to say or words weren't supposed to use. The weird part is rather than feeling sorry I just hope they could get what I mean behind what I didn't mean. I kept thinking 'well they would understand' or 'they will, I know they will' but world didn't work like that. I know just how much I hurt people feeling (ok now I'm feeling sorry)
but I think it's better to say something rude and honest rather than honey coating your words, emphasizing compliments or faking an interest to attract someone or just simply to be nice.
Sweet and affectionate talk kind of freaks me out. I can't bring myself to say something so fondly or comforting. but hey I've never demand someone to say sweet things to me, so I think that fair enough. As long as they sounds right then I don't mind. Nice or bad are just the structure, right? and it's not like I'm a literature major or something. There are some people who really just aren't good with words but if you look into their eyes, you will know.
and so the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me is
when one weren't in a good term relationship with the other anymore (and last time they checked the other can only being a bitch the whole time their together) but still can manage to say how grateful that they've met.
you're so nice of a person I don't think I deserve