Hate (now)

I hate instant coffee,
but I can't afford one from cafe everyday.
so I'm everyday instant coffee consumer now.

Calon Arang

Tadi siang saya menemani mama ke rumah sakit, dokternya wanita, memberi beberapa diagnosis yang bisa dilewati tapi harus dengan kuat dan tidak takut. Lalu melihat wajah mama dan merasa sedih juga. Saya jadi mengingat pepatah 'we're busy growing up and forget that our parents also growing old' saya punya banyak mimpi- mimpi. Mau jadi ini itu, mau kesana kemari. Selalu saya ceritakan semua sama orang tua tunggal saya ini, lalu tadi siang tersadar tidak ada satupun mimpi kaki gatal saya yang melibatkan si Ibu. Saya jadi sedih. berapa jauh selama ini saya menyedihkan hatinya? mengingat yang telah pergi dan melupakan yang ada di sisi. atau mungkin karena selalu ada Ibu saya disini.

Harus juga saya melakukan sesuatu untuk yang selalu ada. Tapi apa? saya tidak mau janji manis.

Sembari menunggu proses dari konsultasi sampai ke farmasi saya menghabiskan satu buku karya Pramoedya Ananta Toer yang judulnya Calon Arang. bukunya tipis, isinya dongeng. Yang tidak putih pink kuning dan terlalu indah tapi cukup dalam dan menambah banyak kata di kamus saya.
tentang Calon Arang, seorang janda sekaligus tukang sihir dan jago teluh. sangat jahat di gambarkannya Calon Arang ini, tapi satu hal. yang walau sangat jahat pun ia tetap sangat menyayangi satu- satunya anak perempuannya.

Lagi- lagi mengingatkan saya sama mama.

Kalau dilihat dan diingat mama saya itu orang kuat. Tidak pernah saya lihat ia menangisi lagi suaminya selain pada hari ayah saya pergi. atau mungkin saya cuma sekedar tidak lihat? kalau diingat- ingat lagi saya yang malah tersedu di atas normal hari- hari sedih yang lalu itu. Intinya kok ternyata saya yang lebih cengeng. Kalau sekarang saya melabel diri sudah kuat, apalagi si mama? mungkin selevel Calon Arang (minus teluh dan sihir)

Sampai sore saya dirumah sakit, melihat muka- muka lelah
lelah mau pulang
lelah mau sembuh

Malamnya, saya menonton film layar lebar Indonesia yang diputar di RCTI, 7 hati 7 wanita 7 cinta. Lagi- lagi tentang wanita, para istri, anak remaja, permpuan malam, dokter wanita. Bagaimana pergumulan tiap tokoh yang digambarkan dramatis, tidak jarang juga bodoh. Digambarkan kuat dan bertobat, digambarkan penuh cerita.

Hari ini lengkap tentang wanita, padahal saya bukan feminis :p

-

memiliki kenangan itu seperti dongeng
kadang terlalu lama sampai lupa kapan dan dimana
kadang terlalu indah sampai melupakan nama
hanya kehangatan kecil hati yang dapat membuka,
memori kembali seperti nyata
dengan kalimat rasanya seperti kemarin saja

memiliki mimpi itu seperti kita
yang mengawalinya dari titik yang sama
mungkin dari tersesat dan kebingungan yang sama
atau sekedar ekspetasi kebahagiaan masa muda

hari- hari yang mengikat kita bersama
indah seperti refrain klimaks sebuah lagu
tawa kita polusi melebihi bising kereta lokomotif
mengalahkan sepanjang siang dan 24 nya malam

hari- hari dan waktu selalu terbagi
waktu tidak kita nikmati sendiri
ada saat kita sakit dan jatuh dalam kehilangan
kenangan akan mereka yang telah pergi lebih dahulu

kita itu rumit dan tidak sederhana
tidak jarang kita jatuh cinta dan berbunga
merasakan perbedaan pada teman lama
merasakan istimewa

kita rumit dan tidak pernah sederhana
dari sini kita akan bertolak
kali ini masing- masing ke tempat yang berbeda
memiliki tujuan menjadi manusia, tujuan menjadi dewasa
bukan artinya kita tidak lagi bersama
walau tetap akan ada jarak jeda

akan ada janji untuk tidak saling lupa
akan ada kesempatan untuk saling menemukan

selamat berjuang 
untuk situasi
untuk dunia
untuk kita

-
;;sebuah narasi untuk video album memori
  dan aksi kenangan bikinan seorang teman
  2014

Tadi Siang

Banyak teman yang sekarang sudah tidak segila dulu
mungkin karena waktu mengubah
atau memaksa untuk menjadi biasa
tidak gila
karena ternyata dunia itu dewasa
dan realita
itu biasa

Write oh so deep!

I'm sitting on a cafe beside the window sill
I sip my caffe latte
I ..
oh screw it.
.
I sat on a power rangers bedcover
I'm wearing a nobita t-shirt
I haven't wash my hair for two days
and it's so oily
I'm starving
and just casual drinking this tea
from a really funny childhood mug
-
I just can't.

First

Don't tell me you'll love till die
die first.
then we'll see.

Unemployed

It's official.
I'm currently unemployed for almost three weeks now. It could feel so good for I got time to rest and sleep until I miss all of the things. Late night work, friends, lunch chating, dinner game, meeting and site visiting, watched concert and shows or simply being in a group of people. I used to like being alone and solitude but now it kinda changing. I miss trivia little moments of everything from every person I like. My old friend said I'm turning into a different person. I don't favourite things I like before. I like a lot of new things now. I like spicy food and chili, I like art shows, I like some of local music I've never heard before, I like travelling by train, and one of a good thing I like that I have passion in what I've been formaly learning now.
I once stumble upon a quote that said:
'some people cross your path in life and change your whole direction'
one good explanation.
I miss all of my old buddies too. Most of them are already create their own path to real life after college. I could just wishing them great luck and hope for a chance to converse over a coffee sometime. God how time flies.

Shoulder Blade

Our minds work like that.
They are forgetting.
Things we see now, a person we remember now,
a person we love now are all in the proccess
of fading away from our memory.
Ephemeral.

That's creepy

'That's creepy'
'what?'
'your music taste'
-
someone told me today. I could just laugh the statement away. I like friend with same taste of movie and music, it could keep the conversation awake and all. But rather than that, I love having friend with interesting different taste of things like music and movies. They makes you know many other new things. What outside the comfort zone you called your type. Like, this one song I like from Andrew Bird he called creepy. He told me that he could picture a sinking ship with hundred dead coffin floating while this song playing in the background. I was like, if there's anything creepy that would be you.

Some of The Best Moments in Life are The Ones You Can't Tell Anyone About

A very annoying fact.

But I've had all the better moments that could be a complimentary. Weeks ago there are this biennale exhibition held in National Gallery of Jakarta. A ceramic based biennale which include many local and international artist.There are this situation too where The principal architect from where I've been working at is one of those said artist. We have this team. There are seven of us and we had a good time. Arranging and building the instalation which turn out to be the biggest instalation at the place.

Clay is the main material for ceramic. The concept is to show how much energy and nature source wasted for the whole turning clay into something beautiful process. For example, to get you nine thousand fine bricks you need to heat and burn the clay-block that will cost you tons of timber and high air pollution as the result. So we choose nine thousand raw brick instead (unheat and unburned)
They build revolve around T-shape wall as the metaphor of earth, environment and city scale. 
We put a mound of dust and charcoal at different corner off T wall to represent pollution results of the burning process and also as the metaphor of dirty waste and sick environment. How poetic. 
(don't mind the last sentence that's just from me)

Here are some instalation from other artists:

They look a little creepy. Some had a deep meaning behind their shape and some other are just outer beauty. There are this really interesting instalation from a young Indonesian artist called 'Ephemeral'. Ephemeral is a naked woman sculpture place inside a clear glass box. At the opening day of the exhibition, the box will fill up with water and this woman sculpture will gradually melt and vanish into the water at approximately 30 minutes. The artist wanted to represent human and lifes. Nothing immortal. No matter how beautiful a person is they are just human. Ephemeral; lasting in a very short time. (sadly I couldn't took a picture because it locate at the dark corner of the building)
-
At the other building, there are also household ceramic product which you can purchase right at the place. There are this very funny breast-shape ceramic bowl and some delicate and colourful vases.

But The better moments aren't those picture above. The better moments are actually late night playlists while working, late dinner chat and jokes, sunday work, bad green tea taste and discounted bread from convinience store nearby, trouble and problem, trouble and problem solved, and how we learned a good teamwork and other character and silly habbits.

Did I said that we had a good time? Yes we had.


Caraousel

I'm kinda miss my grandma tonight. I'm just going through my old folders which contain many old photos and there is this photograph of her one or two years before she attacked by stroke for the unfortunately third time. It's quite hurt when you need to let go to someone while they're sleep in a coma. You could never say goodbye. I could never say how much I love our time together, how much I long to her smile every night I sat on the floor beside her bed took every word she hardly spoke. How much I will miss her and how much I wanted to take her pain away.
There is always a reason to be gloom and to be gloom is to refresh old memories.
Today is a different day. bold sunlight, a little too hot in the morning but warm at night. too dusty. Different friends, different place, different way of car drive.
But still. old days made you sad like a broken carousel,

Trapeze Swinger

I wonder where all brave hearts go
the honest with mistake and wrath
with happiness and never a phony
with heart so brave
with flowers and calming wave
with cassete of a show
a show telling how far you can go
how long you can linger
walking playing on a trapeze swinger

I wonder where all the honest heart go
a soul with truth
a person not very complicated
who write song and sing it randomly on a wedding day
who talks about ocean and its calming wave
talked about dolphin and they calming bay

I wonder where all the place someone could cry missing
they dissapear in a blink
and while the somber ocean make you sinking
and drug you low

I wonder where to saw

{listening to Iron and wine,
  while feeling so silly}

Ghost Notes


Ada bahasa yang bisa jadi indah karena tidak terkatakan
ada waktu yang bingung hilang karena lepas terlupakan
ada kenyataan ada pernyataan
ada fakta tapi kebenaran
kalau sepi dia pergi jauh mengerti dan bersama
kalau lari dia tidak hilang tapi lenyap
kalau menghapus dia tidak segan dan berapi
seperti alam gunung lautan lembah palung dan seperti musik
mengetuk seperti hantu dan kendang kematian
hilang dalam terjemahan dan lembar silang bahasa
tidak tersampaikan tidak terkatakan
trans dalam ketukan hantu dan kenikmatan alunan metronome
mendengar yang ini lalu membenci mendengar yang ini lalu jatuh cinta
membandingkan selarasan peristiwa lalu berbahasa

ada bahasa yang bisa jadi indah karena tidak terkatakan
ada perihal yang indah karena terkatakan dalam diam
ada waktu yang hilang tersesat dan lepas terlupakan
ada kenyataan dan ada fakta
bolak balik hanya begitu
jika sendu hanya bisa begitu
mengetuk dan menulis tatapan hantu melukis dan melukis
melukis lalu

-lagi senggang, bosan, dan beristirahat '14

Everyone is a lesson. a story

I don't think how one could meet with another are simply a coincidence. I believe in how the universe work in mysterious ways and make people's path crossed. People leaved but stories stayed. lessons learned. Some brought you drink and took you places, some trying to be your best when they already are, some leaves you with hate, or some leave you loved. Someone you shared your first gelato with and maybe someone you wanted to hug, how they smell so much like your pillow.
I don't think how one could meet with another are simply a coincidence. I believe in how the universe works in mysterious ways and make people's path crossed. And if ever anything changes, everything would last.

Sun

Time shows almost twelve in the morning when I realized how strange this room was. I'm currently sitting on this small armless chair with an unfinished catcher in the rye on my right and a stillness sleepy headache. and I need to point this out: there are a little too much skylight in this house, I'm heating up and it cause me to lost anything to write.

Ghost

To me you’re the sea
and I have fallen in love
with salt on my skin.
-

I love this feeling.
a feeling I got when words, song and picture go together like that.
like they are mean for each other.
or not.

A Glimpse


I was at home, at night, after 2 hours long drive from a funeral when I was thinking about all of these.
I have a cousin who has a father who just died four days ago. Alone in the room at the ship. I met him in person but we rarely chat or talk even, he almost just an acquaintances. Therefore I shouldn't bee too sad or anything right? but no I guess I'm wrong. I'm straight wrong to think that we have to be close with someone to feel sad when they're gone. A sadness, apparently, are contagious. Just like laughter and sometimes, happiness.
When I was in a funeral, at my house, I admittedly, goes to think like 'why are you and you people so sad and cry like an ugly baby, you're not even see him since years ago' or 'oh come on he's my father, not yours' or 'Okay so, who are you? I swear I didn't know you'
But maybe a saying that say we can never know a person completely, no matter how many years or decade we've spent together are merely right. You know the theory A B C friendship, A close to B and C is B's friend but that doesn't mean C and A are also close. When I was sure I'm so close with B but then I didn't know B has such friend like C until I met C in B's funeral. Sad. Sad to think that we can't ever know entirely about a person, no matter how much we love them. There will be always some things and people and stories, remain mysterious.
We came bring our each glimpse of that person who gone and we cried. We cry about any memories we have with them, smallest one even. and we can't called any memories are stronger and weaker than the others, because then again, we didn't know a person completely. I can be someone's daughter but I didn't know all of his wraths or flaws like his bestfriends did.
Like, we can be a daughter from someone who had drift a ship, love him and be proud of him. but to understand a real fight from a captain who died at the ship as well as his crew would have known? well, another stories.
Some sadness are contagious, some other, well, blame it to every strories untold.

Memories


The times we had
Oh, when the wind would blow
with rain and snow
were not all bad
we put our feet just
where they had had to go
never to go

Stuff

I like spending time with you over foods and drinks
I like spending time with you with musics and words
I like spending time with you quizzing about harry potter
I like spending time with you on jokes and stranger approach
then again I just like spending time with you period

Time

I REMEMBER READING this book about different worlds exist with different rule of time. One that catch my memory is the world where people discovered that time moves slowly the farther from the center of earth. So people build their house as high as they could. They build their shelter at the top of the mountain feeling secure that youth will stay with them longer than whoever at lower level of earth. At this point, I was thought what's so glorious about live young as long as you can when you'll get old eventually, about live as long as you can when you'll die eventually. But the idea of staying a little longer from wrinkle are kind of tempting maybe.

Now & Then


source - edited
.
Making list + reminiscing : nice combination! I saw this meme at Srslyliz blog, and would like to give it a try. first of, Liz had that kind of teenage-to-adult phase, while me, well I realized that I hadn't had any drastic changes therefore I could still find the past me in me present. but really what could change one into sort of mature version of themselves. I need to know

Leisure
now : reading + music 
then : friends + trip + music

Listening to
now : singer songwriter like damien rice,
sufjan stevens, radical face, lana del rey,
tallest man on earth and british rock too.
then : the beatles, the trees and the wild,
janet jackson, latin classic, louis armstrong

Watching
now : romcom still but I can't stand any cheesy drama anymore.
I love suspense and some of indie animation like mary and max.
then : asian drama, romantic comedy, horror 

Attitude
now: more open + thinker + free
then: careless + picky about friends {actually didn't really like 'people' in general}

Style
I'm really not the type of girl who have some kind of their own style 
and didn't really care about what to wear and just go with whatever. 
Wait, I'm thinking now, I can't remember any of my highschool style at all! 
probably too embarrassed to think about.. okay, t-shirt, my brother 
band t-shirt {when it too small for him}, 
my mother dress or skirt {that too small for her} and etc
about now, sweater are currently my favorite, fitted or oversize, 
woolen, chunky knit, all of them. 
{still} t-shirt, flannel button-up, casual dress

Reading
now : young adult novel + reference books 
then : translated Japan comic, goosebumps, 
and harry potter of course

Hair
now : medium + layered
then : long with bangs, one you saw at shampoo 
commercial {and I'm not lying} my teenage time hair 
are healthier than ever and boring as hell

Dreams
now : travel to other countries + design and build 
+ write more
then : making film + write
.
Although the time different wasn't much of the distant, there are some real changes happened. and also changes that barely there too. Okay so, this would be the end part of this entry and honestly quite hate meme games, it expose too much. but I did it anyway.

Stars

I KNOW BOOK REVIEW is plainly uninteresting and I can't so much write a review without spoil something I shouldn't, so I would just do the quick write about what I'm feeling now. Right after I finished the fault in our stars. I know T.Rex is just not the right music background but I listened to electric warrior couple of times in repeat while I was read the copy anyway.
     So, my feel. quoting other book character: 'I'm feeling infinite'
     but of course some infinite are bigger than other infinite (quoting Van Houten) so, I didn't mean to tell you these are anything important. but still. First of, I think everyone basically need their Augustus Waters, maybe not in those blue eyes and gorgeous crooked smile, and hope not the one-leg one but everyone need that kind of teenage love. or maybe that kind of love at their teenage. miraculous. I'm saying that if someone ever got this kind of mutual relationship like Hazel and Gus then it would be miraculous.
     I love the fact that John Green made up a great old author character with the author's story plot and all, a game and a novelization of the game and all. first I think, how could his mind worked things out but then I realise I'm reading how. and it books within book. some talent. Originally, I was never quite like stories about illness suffered by the main character, {serious illness like, cancer}I found it unnecessary exaggerating real part of life, I mean we can so much pull a string of sadness from daily life, from failing from brokenhearted love and all but why are we need to put a serious illness and dying person into the story to make the sad. but then, the whole story was never about the sadness {as people keep mentioning how much they cry after finished it, I myself cry too though but not because I was sad by the death and the ill} it's complicatedly because of the words. Word hazel and gus said to each others, simple conversation, how they sentence pain into something elegant, simple and honest and often funny. its hurt.
And also surprise! things actually never worked out in an illness-suffered-by-the-main-character story. sigh.
I grew understand a little bit more about cancer too and that one feel I can't put into phrase
some of my favorite words:
..
'The weird thing about houses is the way they almost look like nothing is happening inside of them, even though they contain most of our lives. I wondered if that was sort of the point of architecture'
{off sad topic}
how could this sentence didn't catch me right? thoughtful reflects about the simplest point of architecture
..
A few days later, at Gus’s house, his parents and my parents and Gus and me all squeezed around the dining room table, eating stuffed peppers on a tablecloth that had, according to Gus’s dad, last seen use in the previous century.
My dad: “Emily, this risotto . . .”
My mom: “It’s just delicious.”
Gus’s mom: “Oh, thanks. I’d be happy to give you the recipe.”
Gus, swallowing a bite: “You know, the primary taste I’m getting is not-Oranjee.”
Me: “Good observation, Gus. This food, while delicious, does not taste like Oranjee.”
My mom: “Hazel.”
Gus: “It tastes like . . .”
Me: “Food.”
Gus: “Yes, precisely. It tastes like food, excellently prepared. But it does not taste, how do I put this delicately . . . ?”
Me: “It does not taste like God Himself cooked heaven into a series of five dishes which were then served to you accompanied by several luminous balls of fermented, bubbly plasma while actual and literal flower petals floated down all around your canal-side dinner table.”
Gus: “Nicely phrased.”
Gus’s father: “Our children are weird.”
My dad: “Nicely phrased.”
.
Simply my favorites. you know parents. and family warm my heart.
There are view more parts and words that I love but it's two in the morning and I'm so sleepy, I think I will continue this tomorrow or not. maybe not. yeah no. overall it's a great book for passing an afternoon, to thinking about life and love and bestfriends and a bit of Netherlands. lol.
     PS. Are they really making a film?? stupid question! I just saw the trailer and the boy really is cute. Clink our glasses for Gus Waters.
'I'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up, my friend'
can't wait for June!

More.


"Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls.
The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches"
src
What a deep conclusion, right? I've seen some really unsincere kisses and prayers. I would rather never do both of them at all. so quick update, I had lost my dreams. maybe because the view quick sleeps at the deadline weeks. Because I'm too tired. I'm still sad though. I'd lost my quality sleep recently and I need to recover in order to get my quality dreams back.
Did you notice, that dreams often be my post topic? ugh. I know, boring as hell. 

Replacement

     I SHALL BEGIN THIS POST with a sad story. I had lost my phone about two weeks ago, it never the best of machine, the touch screen one and all but it had accompany me for more than two years by every stories and trips. The need is for when it produce music, I can hardly right without listen musics on my way to college or other places and I can't afford buying a new one one of these days {can't ask mom everything, barely anything} so; silent trip.
     Quick replacement. reads for songs. I'd decided to borrow some books, two books per attempt to read while I'm on train and they bandaged my lost pretty well. OKAY that's too cheesy for a sentence. Don't blame me that I can only read classic and classic from my campus library because apparently the novels section are for the english lit major and not at all for amusement reads.
     Very considerate institute.
Talking about amusement. I finished Hard Times by Charles Dickens, which introduce me into the big amuse things hatred character Mr Gradgrind. He pictured as a stiff man who only knew facts and teach facts. facts are science and reality. He hate, maybe disgust are the better word, poetry. He hate circus and doesn't believe in the existence of love. but until the last page, I come to the little conclusion that actually he didn't really hate those fancy things, he just didn't know about them and didn't know that he need them. I can feel that right in this sentence, from him to his son:

‘Here is your letter,’ said Mr. Gradgrind.  ‘All necessary means will be provided for you.  Atone, by repentance and better conduct, for the shocking action you have committed, and the dreadful consequences to which it has led. Give me your hand, my poor boy, and may God forgive you as I do!’ 

he can forgive. the last sentence sent me chills. picture your parents forgive you for your huge mistake which they not sure even God can do that for you. But Gradgrind do. and never asked to. love can.
The stories are pure irony I can say. Different characters same sad life. Unreachable love, unreachable passions, poor low life. Innocent people with their weakness in front of money, power and position. and always the great heart died.
The second read are Ghost short stories (which I'd forgotten the exact title, sorry) to the contrary of hating horror movies, I've been a fan for ghost stories ever since goosebumps and some horror japanese comic. The book contain ten short stories about ghost. Another classic irony. People who actually meet ghost but didn't realise, people who didn't realise that they are the ghost, people who got shot by a fake saying that they're ghost, and many more human and ghost played.
My favorite is one with the title 'Over a glass of whiskey' about a poor kid whom had been starve to his bones when he meet one stranger man at the bar, they play dice game (which they called a game of chance) around pounds and bottles of whiskies. When at the last part the boy didn't realise that he had actually died during the game. The stranger man is nothing different. It's not about a ghost with awfully ugly features, but it was scary.
Picture you walk with pocketful of money and finally can buy foods after three days starve to dead. but the fact is you already dead. Is not Dracula or leak scary but when you lost one of your leg scary and it gave me goosebumps.
There are two or more similar irony for this books, but I think you need to read them yourself to get the sensation right.
For a relax after long words of grief and tormented fictions, I'm currently reading More Classic Short Stories, twenty short stories in total by Woody Allen, Fay Weldon, Ray Bradburry and the other seventeen great authors. I haven't finish even half of it, but the first three stories are more of satire for me. Picture you laugh for your agony. picture you see your knees bleeding but laugh because its red. This is a pretty thick one compare to the others, and final exam are coming soon and I must book-loan-free to be allowed to take the exam, and I'm drowning in final week tasks.
     very considerate institute, I'd said.

13 list.

      BYE BYE THIRTEEN. you've been so predictable, tiring, sad and dull and and.. and I'm just kidding you queer. You've been just enough. It's not like we can sum up a whole year into one or two paragraphs, so I'm trying to make a list hope that everything will be enough said.
here I go, first.
     I'm looking back into my old 2013 posts and just then I realise that this blog had grown into some kind of washbowl where I commit to vomiting every now and then. Like flipping through daily newspaper to find something decent to read but failed. since all I write are some perpetual rambling. and that is one thing I promised myself I would change, I didn't want to be that person who drown into poignancy in their twenties.
     2nd.
Early in 2013 I decided I won't make any resolution, trying to be reasonable with I don't want to limit myself but end up simply because I don't care. early in 2013, I was trying to focus and brought my head back in college, repair and pay. Almost didn't care with anything other than that. I was craving time to be alone, rejecting offers, avoiding group of people and didn't really like to talk about anything to anyone. Unconsciously place myself as a third person who just saw the bad side of anything. the negative polar of people which are disappointing and never sincere.
     3rd.
big days like birthdays and christmas always have their parasitic power to me. I will feel an unnecessary sadness toward who weren't there anymore. I have this ultimate list to make myself out of the said sadness:
     eating too hot cup noodles while watch some episodes of grey's anatomy, making myself into a cocoon under the blanket with too cold a/c temperature, playing guitar, playing sad songs with it. The best of them is vomiting-blogging.
    four four.
in the middle of after the early, I had realise that there will be always a good side in everything, the worst case even. That there will be always the right group of friends or right person to be joking around with, and actually forget what kind of state you came before.
    5th. 6th.
I have experienced some new things, joined a lifestyle Indonesian online media, reported some music concerts, and attended my favorite band concert. Into something that look like love.
    Things I would like to do this year, all that I could think for this moment: seven grow out my bangs until it the same length with my longest hair layer. eight I need to buy a decent camera. ninth dying my end part of hair dark blue and keep them for a week. tenth drinking beer mix with a melted white chocolate {idk I just got and idea} eleven watch a fireworks show at the end of the 2014 twelve read more books, learn to stop swearing, design more, and last, the thirteenth, learn to find the classy closure to ending a post