"Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls.
The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches"
What a deep conclusion, right? I've seen some really unsincere kisses and prayers. I would rather never do both of them at all. so quick update, I had lost my dreams. maybe because the view quick sleeps at the deadline weeks. Because I'm too tired. I'm still sad though. I'd lost my quality sleep recently and I need to recover in order to get my quality dreams back.
Did you notice, that dreams often be my post topic? ugh. I know, boring as hell. 


     I SHALL BEGIN THIS POST with a sad story. I had lost my phone about two weeks ago, it never the best of machine, the touch screen one and all but it had accompany me for more than two years by every stories and trips. The need is for when it produce music, I can hardly right without listen musics on my way to college or other places and I can't afford buying a new one one of these days {can't ask mom everything, barely anything} so; silent trip.
     Quick replacement. reads for songs. I'd decided to borrow some books, two books per attempt to read while I'm on train and they bandaged my lost pretty well. OKAY that's too cheesy for a sentence. Don't blame me that I can only read classic and classic from my campus library because apparently the novels section are for the english lit major and not at all for amusement reads.
     Very considerate institute.
Talking about amusement. I finished Hard Times by Charles Dickens, which introduce me into the big amuse things hatred character Mr Gradgrind. He pictured as a stiff man who only knew facts and teach facts. facts are science and reality. He hate, maybe disgust are the better word, poetry. He hate circus and doesn't believe in the existence of love. but until the last page, I come to the little conclusion that actually he didn't really hate those fancy things, he just didn't know about them and didn't know that he need them. I can feel that right in this sentence, from him to his son:

‘Here is your letter,’ said Mr. Gradgrind.  ‘All necessary means will be provided for you.  Atone, by repentance and better conduct, for the shocking action you have committed, and the dreadful consequences to which it has led. Give me your hand, my poor boy, and may God forgive you as I do!’ 

he can forgive. the last sentence sent me chills. picture your parents forgive you for your huge mistake which they not sure even God can do that for you. But Gradgrind do. and never asked to. love can.
The stories are pure irony I can say. Different characters same sad life. Unreachable love, unreachable passions, poor low life. Innocent people with their weakness in front of money, power and position. and always the great heart died.
The second read are Ghost short stories (which I'd forgotten the exact title, sorry) to the contrary of hating horror movies, I've been a fan for ghost stories ever since goosebumps and some horror japanese comic. The book contain ten short stories about ghost. Another classic irony. People who actually meet ghost but didn't realise, people who didn't realise that they are the ghost, people who got shot by a fake saying that they're ghost, and many more human and ghost played.
My favorite is one with the title 'Over a glass of whiskey' about a poor kid whom had been starve to his bones when he meet one stranger man at the bar, they play dice game (which they called a game of chance) around pounds and bottles of whiskies. When at the last part the boy didn't realise that he had actually died during the game. The stranger man is nothing different. It's not about a ghost with awfully ugly features, but it was scary.
Picture you walk with pocketful of money and finally can buy foods after three days starve to dead. but the fact is you already dead. Is not Dracula or leak scary but when you lost one of your leg scary and it gave me goosebumps.
There are two or more similar irony for this books, but I think you need to read them yourself to get the sensation right.
For a relax after long words of grief and tormented fictions, I'm currently reading More Classic Short Stories, twenty short stories in total by Woody Allen, Fay Weldon, Ray Bradburry and the other seventeen great authors. I haven't finish even half of it, but the first three stories are more of satire for me. Picture you laugh for your agony. picture you see your knees bleeding but laugh because its red. This is a pretty thick one compare to the others, and final exam are coming soon and I must book-loan-free to be allowed to take the exam, and I'm drowning in final week tasks.
     very considerate institute, I'd said.

13 list.

      BYE BYE THIRTEEN. you've been so predictable, tiring, sad and dull and and.. and I'm just kidding you queer. You've been just enough. It's not like we can sum up a whole year into one or two paragraphs, so I'm trying to make a list hope that everything will be enough said.
here I go, first.
     I'm looking back into my old 2013 posts and just then I realise that this blog had grown into some kind of washbowl where I commit to vomiting every now and then. Like flipping through daily newspaper to find something decent to read but failed. since all I write are some perpetual rambling. and that is one thing I promised myself I would change, I didn't want to be that person who drown into poignancy in their twenties.
Early in 2013 I decided I won't make any resolution, trying to be reasonable with I don't want to limit myself but end up simply because I don't care. early in 2013, I was trying to focus and brought my head back in college, repair and pay. Almost didn't care with anything other than that. I was craving time to be alone, rejecting offers, avoiding group of people and didn't really like to talk about anything to anyone. Unconsciously place myself as a third person who just saw the bad side of anything. the negative polar of people which are disappointing and never sincere.
big days like birthdays and christmas always have their parasitic power to me. I will feel an unnecessary sadness toward who weren't there anymore. I have this ultimate list to make myself out of the said sadness:
     eating too hot cup noodles while watch some episodes of grey's anatomy, making myself into a cocoon under the blanket with too cold a/c temperature, playing guitar, playing sad songs with it. The best of them is vomiting-blogging.
    four four.
in the middle of after the early, I had realise that there will be always a good side in everything, the worst case even. That there will be always the right group of friends or right person to be joking around with, and actually forget what kind of state you came before.
    5th. 6th.
I have experienced some new things, joined a lifestyle Indonesian online media, reported some music concerts, and attended my favorite band concert. Into something that look like love.
    Things I would like to do this year, all that I could think for this moment: seven grow out my bangs until it the same length with my longest hair layer. eight I need to buy a decent camera. ninth dying my end part of hair dark blue and keep them for a week. tenth drinking beer mix with a melted white chocolate {idk I just got and idea} eleven watch a fireworks show at the end of the 2014 twelve read more books, learn to stop swearing, design more, and last, the thirteenth, learn to find the classy closure to ending a post