A letter to Dad at Father's Day. So Iconic.

So today is a father's day. I think it's a quarter hour left to write any dramatic piece about memories and any sadness left (like I used to do at times like these)(and Plath's Bell of Jar was my favorite) But I didn't caught in any downroad spiral anymore, so I wanted to write an easy letter for him tonight.
A conversation any daughter and father could have between afternoon coffees or morning newspapers.
To my dear dear Father who greatly greatly miss,
Dad, just today when I set up my 'nest' in grandma's room I drop my stuff a lot while trying to bring everything in my two hands, I remember you always remind me to bring things one by one. I just wash my hair too, it's already grow long now, like you'll always love. it's wet and I put a small towel behind, and also I remember you dryed my hair and put a towel behind so the water didn't soaked at the back of my cloth. This and that are little things I'm still doing upon every remembrance of you. And Dad, if only you know what my thesis is all about you will be pleased! we can sit all night talking about it. jump to my professor, I think he's hate me but it strange my grade is remain good. Dad I'm sorry I'm wrong about Nicole Kidman, you're right all along! that's a different woman named Rachel Weisz. Dad I've skimmed your books and old magazine last week, I choose my favorite, can I take them to my room? Dad, I found your photographs. it picture you and your acoustic guitar, white t-shirt and blue jeans at this kind of church event. Dad I didn't realize you are that good I wish I could learn much more than I had from you! my favorite acoustic play is Eric Clapton's Tears in Heaven. it had this calming melody and I mean every lyric for you each time I play it.
Dad, I'm feeling blessed and so so happy one of these days, I knew you're too now in heaven. It's not a typical afternoon talks and those are never all things I wanted to talk about. But let's leave this conversation hanging like we have any time in the world.
But I know we had.
Happy Father's day, Dad.
God, I miss you.

At Once (Ice cream & Songlist Altogether)

There are view things you'll be like at first attempt you know them. Your first cocoa Ice cream, your first listen to an album, your first ukulele strum and etc. I remember my trip by train almost half a year ago which brought me into liked my window view at first time I saw them.

There are view things I loved at the first hit and here are the list of songs I loved at first hear, maybe you'll too or not, but still, Enjoy

* *
Listen at Rdio

Film Film

I process my film roll weeks ago, that was my first time did it, so the result kind of surprised me. They didn't came out good enough but I really love the feeling of taking picture with analog and follow all the process to enable you to see the photo result. I like all those waiting it intriguate. But maybe I'm just the kind of person who like vintage things. I like records, listen musics from cd play from heavy boombox, old thick sweater, really old movies and etc.

These photo taken while I went to an architecture exhibition at Kota Tua, Jakarta. All too grey in my opinion.

These two taken at night around BSD area (Jakarta suburb). The first bridge photo didn't came out too dark, but the other four photos in the roll came out just show light leaks like the second picture, and I don't know why. 

I use pentax espio 140 v, it's silver, can zoom 3x and really cute. I'm still looking for a new roll and wanted to capture things again. Enough about analog camera, the other news is I'm just starting my thesis, finally. Last semester my campus system canceled my final project altogether because one and two requirement I can't fullfilled. but now all is going pretty well and I'm already in the middle of my paper.
What anything left to say? Life's been great recently :)
ps. if you know place that sell roll fill around south or west jakarta, tell me.

In the room, Afternoon.

She dwelt among the untrodden ways
Beside the springs of Dove,
A maid whom there were none to praise
And very few to love.
Yes I just open this post with a poem to get a bit dramatic. Unless I'm really isn't at dramatic mood at all, and those poem doesn't even mine. High five. Ugh. Sorry I watched a bit too much comedy series these whole unemployed weeks. I'm trying to joking up there. And I knew I failed. So okay, it's been so long since last time I blog and life's pretty amazing lately. Yesterday I just got myself into this new church community and whole new friends which is really fun. Honestly, more of that, I'm feeling blessed. God had been so amazing. Life was pretty sad and I was a little lost few months ago between what this called hormone and feelings. I have this friend who always, I don't know, have a faith in me. Like how many times I said no and bring her down, she always just there believe I would find an answer. I'm still in this process of getting step back, I knew I will taking it a bit slowly but I know I'm not turning back.
Final thesis is around the corner. It will start second week at september, I believe this time, all will went well. I need to face things more mature and I have to use my time really well. I know it's just about time I got my bachelor degree. I can't wait to get into real world, working, be an architect try every possibilities there. Because working before graduate is actually not the favorite choice of mine. My last undergraduate job is not the intern kind and my Bosses offer me a long-term work to begin a new continuous project but I can't take it since I need to finish my degree first or else I can't do both fully, working and doing thesis.
Life is about making choices, well being mature also is. There is this saying that said 'You are what you think' All is in mind. I wanted to be a person with a positive mind and voilà! I will be the person. I can be the person. I wanted to have faith. in God. in 'everythings going to be alright' in 'forgive to forget' in not so mysterious ways you can choose about how to live your life.
A violet by a mossy stone
Half hidden from the eye!
-Fair as star, when only one
is shining in the sky
A poem by William Wordsworth. One of the romantic poet of his era. Life is about being romantic to yourself. Writing romantic story, give cheap present to someone who loves you but you can't love back. To someone who wait for you, to someone you deeply love and hurt you. Singing a romantic song about loss and stars in the sky, about feelings. Play your guitar with feelings! picking strumming, your voice doesn't matter. Life is as easy and simple and as romantic and positive.
I wanted life like that.


Currently working full days and weeks. I miss my blog,
There are so many things here and there to write,
Many new character to introduce,
I'll get back later for sure.


- I remember waiting while counting cars and making a list.

Micro updates in life when you got nothing decent to write. Here I go first,

These bangs I cut by myself start to annoy my eyes.
I bite my fingertips way too much one of these days.
I supposed to teach mathematic but ended up drawing my student a comic she asked and playing guitar while she sang a song.
and I just got paid today and I'm feeling the guilt build up inside me.
Life was pretty useless recently I need to find me a new job.
I just downloaded two of not-so-good albums.
I consumed instant coffee a little too much recently
Rain hard and lightning hard! I can't go anywhere.
I need to return this library's book so I can borrow another two I've been wanting to read
Pray for me for tomorrow's weather
Oh dear God, tomorrow's good friday I almost forgot..
Okay so pray for monday's weather instead.
I had new plan with new group of friends this saturday, hopes everthing went well.
My brother's friend contacted me for a project yesterday {hopes everything went well again}
and etc.

JKT / Chinatown

I remember strolling around Glodok, Asemka, Beos, and Pasar Pagi as parts of Jakarta Chinatown a month ago. This could be my happiest site- surveying ever. People are friendly and all smiley despite this town tough daily life.
For one of the oldest trading and economic center area, people live in broken and poor situation are an obvious contradiction. If I can say view words to describe this area, I would choose, organic, multicultural, claustrophobic and above all, warmest part of the city. Shoutout to every kind people I made acquaintance, to every people struggling and smiling for better days they've been wanting to see.

for never give up hope.

March - 2015

(golden hour)

Last weekend vacation trip,
I went places and took scenery pictures.
I drank coffee and see you again.
Last weekend vacation trip,
I went places and took scenery pictures.
I gained new friends who like to sing a song.

I don't know but I guess that was a song about pigs?

The Good From J

I listen all type of music basically, and like any different type of genre and all.
There are some few genre that I really like and they appear so unique for me. I wanted to line up my favorite Japanese bands in this post. Some of them are really talented, I promise you.
first, Toe. people would think I love Toe because their pretty guitar melodic, and yes that's also true but the main part is I love their drum note. They have this ghostly and dreamy and such great drum beat. For instance, this one metronome song, I like it's pretty melody intro, but when the drum fill in, it killed.

this one is my favorite too

They're also amazing at live performance.
Second, Kenichi Fumoto, a singer songwriter. I first listen to his song, バリケード(Barricade) and like it right away.

It was hideously dificult to find his full album, but lucky for me, I found his first shoegaze album, called 美化 (Bika). This one is my favorite, titled 17 in english

And next, I have Shugo Tokumaru, a singer songwriter too. His folk and experimental music had this bright and calm and sometimes spectacular ambients, I can relate to his songs, when I'm happy. This one take away video is my most favorite.
I once learn how to play it (and failed) with little ability of japanese languange, this one is airy and pretty.

I prefer to watch his live videos, he's kind of amazing.

There are one or two more japanese musicians and band that I like such as, Depapepe, Four Get Me Notes and World Order. In fact, I never intended to explore any genre or any music from particular country, and just accidentally hear it somewhere and happened to like them. Music itself can never be shelved by categories. I like them all. Let me know if you have any recommendation or different favorites or else. I'd love to hear.

Not a Bilbao Effect; A Babel Effect

Talking about architecture nowadays from the perspective of an undergraduate college girl who happens to had read some of the books about contemporary architecture. Contemporer architecture itself had long lists down to the meaning but we can safely call it broadly as an architecture of the present day. I'm surfing on the internet, strolling around libraries and bookstore for collect data for my final task. I was taking a look at built and or conceptual building nowadays and subjectively think they're sort of had a Babel Effect in them.

If there are some of you who didn't know yet, let me begin with the Babel history. Babel was a group of people who had just free from slavery and decided to settle in the land where they stand. They wanted to build a tower so high it touch the sky, so high it meet their creator, God. They wanted to build a highest tower ever made by the mankind. They picture as a united and smart civilization but unfortunately arrogant. Long story short, in the middle of the tower construction, God who already seen how conceit the Babel people are mess up their language to the point they couldn't communicate well at all. Suddenly they spoke in different languages. When a man gave the other man a sack of sand when the latter asked for a sack of cement, they realized that the Babel tower project can no longer be continued. Furthermore, they stopped at the failing and miss communication stillness in them and started to go their own way. Their own different way to different corners of the earth and history has it, that was the beginning of different languages human had around the world.

Taking a reflection from the story, I started to feel that the propensity of nowadays architecture are they are made by the ego of the architect. What the architect wants. Based on what we wanted the community to be, an organization to active in, a social develop into and the building shape out of. We spend a little time analyze the impact society honestly want through our project. And how many society had broken by architecture? by something we create through demolish something we didn't like.

"The ambiguous, promiscuous, violent relation one has with architecture works a tortured admission: the seal releases by sealing: the sign effaces by designing. The signature of architecture expropriates - can no longer be thought of as being in term of presence. Architecture as no longer/as no/longer not. Beautiful Architecture Without Beauty"

- Daniel Libeskind, Countersign 1991
Beautiful architecture without beauty.

Post Secret

everybody has a secret. I, too have couple of them.
But when people asked to be shared their secrets anonymously,
some of it left me in awe. How life and perspective of human
can be so quirky and sad at the same time.
This BLOG and THIS
- enjoy some deepest notes you'll ever read.


I did a small scale of migration. I moved in to other room for sleep or study or staying up all night doing my task. My old room is smaller and hot and have this packed feeling I'm uncomfortable with. So I decided to hijacked my parents old bedroom. My mom used to sleep at my grandma's room after my dad passed away. My grandma was deceased not so long after my dad and so my mom practically stayed in my grandma's room for good.

My parents bedroom is larger than mine, have this pretty big pair of windows that have view to our potted plants and mango tree outside the house. How nice.

it's been so long since I wanted this room. This room had a lot of my childhood memories.
I used to sleep here with my mom, dad and my brother. The room is pretty big with one king size bed and a single size double bed for my brother and I. We liked to spending time reading a bible, praying and singing together before went to sleep. I remember standing bare feet on the bed singing whatever song I like. Even now, even how cold rainy nights are, I'm feeling rather warm here. Of course there are no bed at all, all I got was this mattress, in the middle of space-wasted and three closets frame three sides of the room. This surely need some kind of decorating. But my mom, still reluctant to let me move here officially. My stuffs are still in my room. Two pillows, guitar, uke, laptop and a small folding table are all that I could have brought with me.

I need to start operation hijacking soon. You know move my mom closet and bags to my room and bring my closet and desk table here, and all.
The point is I really need this pretty big windows, night air, sounds of rain for my sleep.
Just don't tell my mom guys.
we'll gonna start operation hijacking soon!


Everything is still the same.

January, second day, and everything seems appear just like three or four days ago.
My mango tree still look bloom although it's just leaves stuffy. My hair still in medium length and black like they always are. We're still out of vegetables for our lunch. I'm still waiting for my pile of laundry being wash inside the machine at this kind of hour. There are this not-so-tasty instant coffee at my right and untuned nylon guitar at my left. They are all look the same just like they did three or four days ago in 2014.
The point is that they supposed to look different in 2015 but they don't. Except that I didn't look at them in the same way again. We're still out of vegetables for lunch is the same, but our dining table only have four chairs now. My mango tree still leaves stuffy but now I've to checked it by myself to make sure there isn't any fruit.
Things changing bit by bit every single day. Things are very dynamic they almost look ordinary.

I'm currently starving and use a slice of cucumber for my left eye while writing this.

I've plan on post something about 2014, a quick review and whatnot but when I'm actually in front of this post editor:I don't know what to write.
Looking back to my last year new year post which also written in the second of january, there are actually very big changes compare to now. I brought all of sadness I want to forget while writing that post a year ago. but now, I remember all of good things. Memories that are so good I'd feel betraying if I write about them. So good that I wanted to keep it for myself. So good it's too ordinary to write.

I take a bite of my cucumber,
taste better than my coffee.

New year itself will get old in a blink of weeks. Let's just not act special about it
but simply said:
Happy new year! welcome to the new age of queer {again}

I think the wash machine just clicked